The road of childhood gives a different feel when walked a decade past childhood.
Where once there has been heightened insecurity, now the fear of walking later into the night has lessen. Boldness comes as one grows in the strength of the muscles.
Where once the houses have looked big and overwhelmingly adult, now they look smaller and more manageable. Sizes are perspectives and they change when one stands taller and straighter to be able to look things in the eye.
Where once there has been unwillingness to travel a few steps beyond what was the usual boundary, now there is only curiosity and audacity to walk further. Once, the length of walks were limited to the last house at the end of the road. Now, the last house is wherever your heart and the willingness to sweat take your steps.
The road is the same. The length of the road, the tar on the road, even the landscape of the roadside grass.
But I. I have grown.
Bolder. Stronger. Tougher.
Have you ever stood in one corner of your room and thought to yourself – “I have never seen my room from this angle before. My room looks…slightly different from this point of view.”
Uncertainty gets me jittery. Correction. Idleness and unemployment gets me jittery. Waiting, waiting and more waiting for something to happen gets me jittery.
When one is unemployed, time seems to stop for a while. One doesn’t age, because there isn’t a progression of something. No progression of moving up the ranks, of going places, of actively learning something new for a purpose.
Nor does one grow younger. One is just..there. It’s an interesting period of life to be in – if one lets go of the actively searching for jobs and just BE unemployed. Let whatever that comes, comes. Let people approach you. Let opportunities come to meet different people.
Right now, I’m just here.
A presence, a human collection of characteristics, experiences, ideas and relationships…with not a job title.
It is then when you realize you’re probably afraid of being inside for too long.
Shoes face outward to ensure that leaving is as easy as slip and go.
Which also means that you don’t want to stay inside for longer than you need to be.
Whatever is going on inside is probably failing to pique your interests, unimportant for you to attend to, or should be attended by someone else…not you.
Or maybe that’s just how you are.
You don’t care about what is going on inside, but are made to be inside.
Or you actually care. But you want to live a touch-n-go life, having a breadth of experiences. Never mind the depth.
That is why you always go in, but also always leaving your shoes facing outward.
In the silence, His grace and love are loud.
“Should old acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?”
Never, my dear furry friend.
But, should it never be brought to mind, we’ll “take a cup o’ kindness yet, for days of old times sake”.
I’ll remember our days and miss the days that we’ll no longer have together.
Pass on well, dear friend and companion. You have been good to me.
It’s there, but it’s not making itself known.
It’s around, but it’s not in focus.
It was there, but not it’s no longer there.
There’s something about the mind and the memory that knows when a thought is about to be penned down.
It chooses to take a rest for while in the deep recesses of the mind.
And appears at the moment least prepared, with no pen to write with, no paper to write on.
It’s time to flex the mind and the writing muscle again.