I want to harvest energy from You, O Lord, and You alone. 

——

My visit to the Peking University (PKU) at Beijing was part of the Cross-Cultural Capstone Design program led by the Department of Mechanical and Industrial Engineering.  In November 2011, we traveled to Beijing in a group of 15 students and professors to present on our project developments.  We were there for 5 days.

China..from an outsider's point of view

During the visit, we were exposed to a different university environment than University of Toronto.  My experience with PKU was one of disgust and wonder.  Their residences were dirty; the human congestion was much less than ideal and their buildings were bare and empty.  I was not impressed with the Chinese level of wireless connectivity, not getting access to many of the English websites.  At the same time, I am also aware that PKU students have lived and thrived under these conditions. Although the living standards at PKU differ considerably from our university, I know that living behind the shabby university walls are students so ambitious and inspirational that it would shame myself.  To me, that was an indication that many things are matters of preference in the process of attaining success.  I was disgusted with their living quarters and internet access, yet I was also amazed that these were not major hindrances to these Chinese students as they were to me.  To me, their ability to stay focus regardless of their surrounding environments was already a success to me.  Being among the students at PKU have led me to a conclusion that sometimes, success lies in the process of achieving an end goal and not a goal in itself.

It has been said, “seeing is believing”, that seeing for yourself is to experience the truth.  My trip to Beijing was filled with answers that remain unquestioned and new questions that were unanswered.  While I was busy feeling disgusted and amazed at the same time, I recorded some of my observations that baffled me. This short essay records some of the observations that I have made.

1.     The fashion that I have seen in Beijing is a questionable mix of North American and Chinese styles.  Perhaps this is what is called an “integration of culture”.  The Chinese brought in the Western concepts of simple (but adequate) dressing and added their own fluffy cutesy accessories and bright colors (think of metallic gold).  These tend to be on the “loud” side, where the colors scream for attention and the fluffs spell Chinese.  At the university of Toronto, sometimes I know that a student is from China when I see his/her fashion styles.  I find it odd that I can identify a Chinese student from China not by her facial features, but by the way she dresses.  Odd as it may be to me, this observation leads to me to ask a question: Is this an implication of their inner desires to be seen as Westernized?

2.     I consider myself to be indifferent to popular beliefs that Asians are conservative and that to us, physical contact in public is a taboo.  However, I cannot help but to notice the large amount of students who held hands on the PKU campus.  Now, why did these scenes in Peking University surprise me?  Firstly, I believe that I have seen more couples holding hands on the PKU campus than on U of T’s.  Secondly, I wonder if this surge in the dating scene implies deeper voids within the students that need to be filled.  Students at PKU are known to be hard workers who would self-study until 10pm every night and achieve almost perfect scores in exams.  When I mentioned this to a professor, he remarked that I spend much of my time within the engineering buildings and is not exposed to the arts and science students at U of T.  At the same time, I wonder if it could that some of them feel that academic achievements do not satisfy them emotionally and there is a need to find solace in a close relationship with someone of the opposite gender.

With that said, I know that my observations are somewhat flawed.  There may not be explicit relationships between Western tendencies and fashion styles, nor is there a psychological explanation between finding fulfillment in a dating relationship and the abundance of students who held hands on PKU campus. Even if there are, these matters will not have a linear causal-effect relationship. My professor once said, “To find the answers, you must know the answers.” Perhaps these observations are my first steps to answering some of the questions I have about Chinese and China.

Stairway to heaven!

- Beijing, Fall 2011

I feel like a winner because this is one step out of what I used to do.

University kills my life sometimes.

Closed. Like really.

I know I am moving on with age when I have come to terms with the fact that some dreams are not meant to be fulfilled. Up till now, I harbor ambitions that I could still go to the space, be an aerospace engineer, study in MIT and be a doctor, to name a few. Lately, I realize that I may never be an aerospace engineer or study in MIT because I am not cut for it. I cannot be a doctor because time does not permit, and mainly because my priorities have changed. Some days, I think that I am simply giving excuses for myself to work less hard to achieve certain goals. Some days, I feel that these dreams are impossible.

Some days, the doors are closed and I could only be an outsider, looking in and wishing I could be a part of them.

Jack Layton's memorial

Life on suspension.

You’d have thought that you would feel most scared when you’re in between two points. That’s the peak. The climax. But no…every step contributes to the seemingly unsurmountable jitters in life.

It only ends at point B.

I need to go home.

“Will the Pakistanis in the room stand up please? I just really wanted to acknowledge you,” said the MC, followed by a thunderous applause for the few men who stood up. I really appreciate the efforts taken by organizers of TEDIndia to invite Pakistanis speakers to the event and thereby portraying an image of harmony that can surely exist between these two estranged nations. To me, it bears a deeper message that we are more than what the media say we are, or what the world seems to think of us. Beneath the sheath political wars is a nation that is like a blunt knife less harmful than we thought it would be.