Suck it up, will you? Geez.
It is a marathon, isn’t it? If you pay attention to people who are running faster than you, you get discouraged and never finish the race.
Oh Lord, I need my 100 plus; my regular dose of 100 plus.
I wish I’m in a dreamland and wake up to heaven. But wait, that’s running away right? So what do I do?
Suck it up, Tsuey. Suck it up. Toughen up. Be a man. Or woman.
Whatever.
This is may seem weird, but I’m in the mood to share my life with the world right now but you really have to check this out. Read the comments.
Hahahahhaha scandalous comments all the way. Big hugs to Uncle William, Pui Man and Shaun!
I’m reading my past posts and I must say, I was pretty funny a writer. Okay yeah, self praise is no praise *knocks head*.
That was a year ago; I think I’ve lost the clown in me. What’s left is just the red cheeks and maybe the big red nose too. Oh where have you been, my humoresque self? Come back, I welcome you.
And oh, what’s this about Ipoh? Dang, I am pretty picky with words eh. Who on earth is the dark knight? Hahahaha oh my oh my, I’ve made my day.
Sorry if this sounds like I’m mumbling to myself…but wait, I am! So no sorry.
This too, when I wrote the sweetest post for Jo. I still can’t believe I wrote that *knocks head again* and Ciara being so sweet about it too! My night’s blooming.
This could only spell one thing.
I’m reviving my blog.
I am too good a writer to be let off writing *bash head*
Haha check out this post.
So Aerospace huh? I was so persistent back then, not that I am not now but I’m currently at a different level of persistence.
So where am I now? As gung-ho as I was back then with studying aerospace? Regrettably, I must say it’s a “no”.
No, I am not such tough a nut over aerospace anymore. Though I would love to be given a chance to work in the aerospace industry, I am not so sure about my future anymore. Before this, I was dead sure I am going into the aerospace industry but after 1st year of engineering, I’m exposed to too wide a field that it feels a bit silly to be set on something now.
I switched into Mechanical Engineering, which means no more BAsc in Engineering Science (Aerospace) for me. I’m just a regular Mechy now 
How should I put it?
I have a…very superficial view of my future; I’m not worried about it, I’m not sure about it. I’m not afraid if there’ll be a prospect for me, I’m not thinking about the economic crash. Sounds a bit ignorant, doesn’t it? However you like to put it.
Right now, I just know that I want to get my engineering degree and focus in sustainable technology. Fix the water problem (well not fix per se, it’s too big a problem for me). Teach the knowns about the unknowns. Live with them, if possible. Yeah I want to go to Africa.
..Then again, it could be something else the next time you read a rather similar post.
When pride overcomes me, when I get too big for myself, when I itch to brag, when I feel superior to people of my age, I thought I was a supremely good child of my parents. I was too mature to go throught “that phase” of childish tantrums and akward mood swings. I listen to parents ranting about their rebelious children in “that phase” of life and I thought to myself, “I was never like that. Wow..I’m good.” I thought I have made it to today because of what I have done, not my parents, my God, my friends.
How wrong, how wrong. Indeed, a fool of a Took speakeths loudly.
It’s funny how your memory is jogged a little with each encounter; not too hard, just enough to remember a piece of the puzzle. Pieces by pieces, bit by bit, using that small piece of puzzle as the cornerstone, pictures of your childhood days emerge.
It’s not pretty.
I was definitely never a supremely good child. Neither was I never rebelious, nor was I mature. I was never as good as I thought I was. I did go through “that phase”.
You know, I have always thought that a teenager can control her behaviour regardless of the situation and the environment. It is a choice and ultimately, she bears the consequences. Despite the hormonal change during puberty and those scientific researches, that teenagers do go through “that phase” in life where they look up to anyone or anything except their parents for guidance and hence the fist fights at home, I have this staunch stand that one (or at least I) can go against the wind of change.
I have always believed that I don’t have to conform to my hormones; I don’t have to give excuses because of some weird internal mechanism that is taking place. In fact, I thought it as “weak” for girls to be girly and go all hay wire because their hormones are acting up. Life can go on with common sense and the go getter attitude; say good bye to hormones. Heck, even testoterone doesn’t amuse me. I’m such a boy.
Yeah I am weird.
Fret not, every day is a new day and I am being changed daily. I’ve learnt that, you know what, it is okay to go through “that phase”. It is okay to have rebeled; I have had my share of childish tantrums in my teens. Ironically, it is because of those acts that I am who I am today.
I’m not making any sense, am I?
I was talking to a mom about piano and I had flashes of those moments when I was angry because people were comparing me to my uncle who learnt piano by himself. I was talking to a pastor and I was reminded by how God had put so many precious people in my sights to light the path for me. Without them, without my wonderful uncle who inspired me, without all those frusfrations in my 18 years of life, looking back would have been dull. I could be standing by a cliff overlooking nothingness.
Tantrums, silly anger, foolish thoughts, harsh words, odd friends, annoying teachers…it’s the spices of life. That’s how one’s life is jazzed up.
Now it’s like standing by a cliff overlooking a lake, looking into fogginess. Sometimes, the fog clears up in the east of you and you can see clearer what is on the east of you. Sometimes the west side of you clears up. Sometimes it doesn’t.
Whatever it is, imperfection? It’s fine. I don’t need the whole picture of my past if I can accept my own imperfection and search for other’s inner beauty.
Kris Allen’s “No boundaries” is such an emotion inducing song.
Knowing me, I don’t know he’s the recent American Idol. All I know he’s a Christian and sang some “Christian” songs in some highly populated church in the US.
Now that I’m listening to his coronation song, it is just the song that makes me reminiscise my days in the tuition centres and whatnots. High school cheesy songs.
Bah.
Need to get back to Moringa seeds.
After the hiatus, I’m making a comeback!..I hope. But anyway, I’ve finally managed to bring my camera out while bumping around downtown one day, and took some photos. The photos of downtown toronto are pretty ugly because that’s how it looks. It’s KL once again, but there are other pretty places..of which I’ve yet to snap into.
This is the Art Gallery of Ontario, which I have yet to visit. I tell you I’m an ignorant resident of downtown.
This was taken at an intersection on Queen’s street; thought it has a pretty good view of the CN tower. Will have more pictures of the tower when I go for the fireworks festival.
And this is Dundas Street West. Macam Petaling Street.
Ahh..this is from my window.
See what it looks out to! I see a neat red bricked house every day; gets pretty glaring in the sun though.
And here’s my new place which I moved into a few months ago.
And my collection of text books. Phew.
4 more weeks to go before I head to a family reunion. Smiles.
Have a good day yo 
Okay the post telling everyone that I’m alive was a lame teaser. Now on to real news.
If you have not already known, I am not back at home for the summer. I am 9148 miles away from home; have been so for the past year and will be so for the next year. I really don’t know when I will be coming back but for sure, I will see home after I have graduated.
So one year has past. One year in Engineering Science and out I’ve come; victoriously, maybe but I’ve survived. Victoriously I’ve entered but battered as I exit. Survival in Eng Sci is the core issue; it is not about winning the battles, but more of winning the war. The battles were tiring; I was mentally tired by the end of the academic term.
Time has been quick to fly.
I have enough posts on reflections of life in Canada for your eyes; I don’t want to dwell on another melancholic post reminiscing the good ol’ days at home. I have learnt to move on; I no longer miss home, rather I miss my family members and friends. My earthly home is no longer where I’ve stayed for the longest but is entitled to my own interpretation. Home is the fruit of my initiative in loving my surroundings; the people, the place, the culture.
Anyway, for the summer I am volunteering withe a few professors; mainly paper works and me working on something related to water filtration in developing nations. That has been going well thus far; intimidating to do presentations to professors in the same room, but the depth of knowledge I am exposed to is so good
Church and Christian Fellowship are happening at the same time. I have been serving with both and that keeps me busy throughout the summer.
Sometimes I don’t know where to run to when I have questions and that bothers me. Sometimes I wonder who is interested in my spiritual growth and who can I go for comfort. Sometimes when I think about my one year in Toronto, I am glad to have made a variety of friends but I wonder who are my buddies. Sometimes I wish to share my life stories with some people but if only they would like to hear it. Sometimes I am dumb. Sometimes I am stuck in between eating and feeding. Sometimes I love to be on my own so much that I have become socially inept. Sometimes I am too independent and stubborn.
Despite it all, I am learning to place my trust in Him.
Matthew 11:28 – 30 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Ah well..life moves one. When the world throws you lemons, make lemonades!
Psalm 42:5-6 – “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so troubled within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my saviour and my God.”
Here goes!
Ask.
Search.
Ask.
Search.
Ask.
Search.
To be a cynic when it comes to building a water filter. To admit humbly that we don’t know. To continue in answering the questions.
Ask.
Search.
Question.
Maybe that is why I was not as impressed with the charity concert for Lead Uganda. Pictures are painted too rosy. Give me the failure report.
Maybe we need pretty pictures sometimes.
I see a child, young and carefree. I see the parents with his pram.
I see my childhood. It is at times like this that I dream of the rustic and quaint Chinese houses back home. I picture an old rocking chair in the living room, for old men to rock their lives away. I step on marble floors; a joy to the feet on hot humid days.
I see a Sunday, when it is a time to watch the travelling channels. There is a simple lunch, of take out chicken rice in white polystyrene boxes; of which my hometown is famous of.
It is hot outside but it is a haven inside. The fan is turned on to the maximum speed and I am ready to fall asleep on the couch.
It is a quiet afternoon; my parents are taking their naps.
I leave the house. Time is rolling. I need to go.
The parents with the pram I see. But the child is now out of my sight.
But I will always remember our Sundays.
…for news.
Due to the lack of communication, I have been blasted several times by many very loving and kind friends whom I appreciate much for taking the effort to blast me. This girl here needs plenty of reminders when it comes to keeping in touch!
So here I am, doing my very best to feed some news. Here goes:
I am alive.
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